I'm arriving at the Naikan center. The Naikan guide gives a warm welcome to me. Very soon we will have lunch together. Before the Naikan practice starts, I have the possibility to talk to the other participants. That's fine because during the Naikan retreat I will not talk to them at all.
After lunch the Naikan guide gives us an . How does it work? What am I supposed to do?
I'm told that I will spend most of the time on my Naikan place. There is no specific posture required. It's recommended to sit while practicing Naikan because that's best to maintain concentration. I'm asked to keep silence and to not disturb the other participants.
During the Naikan retreat we have an agreement: no books, no radio, no TV, no mobile phone, no contact with people outside of Naikan, no conversation with the other participants. Well, that's what I call quietness.
Apart from that there are no regulations, only recommendations are given. It's recommended to stay at my Naikan place for most of the time because that helps to maintain concentration and it gives protection for my inner work. Of course I am allowed to leave my place at any time to get a cup of tea or to smoke a cigarette in the yard.
Tea, soft drinks and fruit are always available. The Naikan guide brings breakfast, lunch and dinner to my Naikan place. All right, I will have everything I need.
I move into my little Naikan place. Nobody will disturb me there, the place will provide protection and calmness. Only the Naikan guide will come to see me for a short interview from time to time.
The Naikan guide has told us to start our Naikan reflection focusing on our mother or the person who cared for us like a mother, just in case our mother wasn't there in our childhood.
I start with Naikan focusing on my relationship with my mother when I was 0 to 6 years old. I try to remember what I have experienced during these years of my life. I focus on my experiences with my mother asking the three questions of Naikan:
1. What have I received from this person?
2. What have I given, what have I done for this person?
3. What troubles and difficulties have I caused this person?
I spend about 60 to 90 minutes at my Naikan place, quietly working with my memories and the three questions of Naikan. Then the Naikan guide comes to see me for a short interview. He or she asks me, "What person and what period of time have you examined?" I answer, "I have examined the relationship with my mother when I was 0 to 6 years old." I'm asked to give a few examples of what answers I have found to the three questions of Naikan. At the end of the interview the Naikan guide says: "Thank you. Please continue Naikan focusing on your mother when you were 6 to 10 years old." No comments, no further questions, no judgements. The Naikan guide just listens and gives me support and understanding. The Naikan interview is quite short, maybe 5 or 10 minutes long.
After the Naikan interview I continue my Naikan practice on my own. Again I try to remember my mother, this time when I was 6 to 10 years old. Naikan self-reflection, Naikan interview, Naikan self-reflection, so it goes on and on ... I examine my life focusing on a specific person from our first contact until today (or until the day this person died or left my life), always looking through the lense of the three questions of Naikan. At first I focus on my mother, then my father, siblings, grandparents, partner, friends, work associates, specific topics ... It depends on my current situation and my biography which persons or topics I choose for my Naikan reflection.
At the end of the Naikan retreat I slowly come out of silence. There is a with the Naikan guide and all participants. We have the possibility to talk about our experiences. And the Naikan guide gives us words of advice for Naikan in everyday life.
